So I have an epic little story for all of you...

Only its not really that epic...More like fail rather than anything else. unless you count my awesome comentary

So earilier this Sunday, I decided that I was going to go down to Block Busters to get something to watch. Ever since I got back from 's house and watching all the movies that she had at her place, I've just been watching movies.

So I ask mum and dad if there's anything they want from there.

Nothing, they just want me to pick up a gallon of milk.

No big deal.

So I ride my bike down to Blockbuster, and as I'm looking through the movies, there's nothing that's really catching my eye. I got The Ugly Truth because when I saw that in theatres it was hillarious! I suggest you all watch it! Its great!

Anywho, moving on with the story, so there was nothing really that caught my eye. So I remembered that at some point I was going to rent Twlight. Just to see what all the hussle and bussle about it was. Since I tried reading the book, but it ended up making me want to hurl about 10 pages in.

So I go up to the guy whose also my friend there. He knows me rather well :3

"Hey, I can't believe I'm asking this," I start, feeling more than a little stupid. I made sure that there was nobody else in the store before finishing the question, "But do you have Twlight?"

He gives me the oddest look. He knows that I usually roll my eyes at the posters that are all over the place of Edward. "Yes," he responds, "Next to Transformers."

"Poor Optimus Prime," I then say, which causes him to laugh.

"Then why are you renting it?" he asks me when I come up to the counter to pay.

"I couldn't finish the book because it made me want to tak a jack hammer to my skull. I want to see if there's actually anything remotly good about this thing, and I figure the movie will kill less brain cells than the book."

He laughs some mor and admits that he's never read or seen it, and that he wishes my brain luck. He also tells me that there was a girl who black out on their floor when they had finally put the movie on the shelves.

... Ok...

So I head back home, take a nap for a few hours.

No way in hell am I letting my parents know that I rented Twlight since I know they'll automatically think it is my favourite thing in the world >.>;
Cause they're ass wholes like that.

Moving on...

So I stick in the DVD after everyone is sound asleep.

The previews aren't that interesting.

Finally get to the movie...

Warning: Twlight fans are advised not to read this portion of the journal entry. This is my personal opinion about the movie, story, Stephanie Meyer. I don't care if you don't agree with me. If you wanna make flame with me, here's what I got to say to you.

KISS MY LILY WHITE NON SPARKLY ASS!

Thank you... My opinion will now commence

So the movie starts with Bella moving from Arizona.

First off the name Bella...What the fuck? I've never, ever met someone named Belle. Not to mention the name Bella Swan...Beautiful Swan...Ummm...I thought I was bad with names.

Honeslty, the girl isn't that pretty either. If her name is supposed to be Bella Swan, I kind of expected someone who is gorgeous is every sense of the word. Dude, its BAD when you have worse bags under your eyes than I do. Since I'm lucky if I sleep 4-5 hours.

Chicks bags where BAD

-2000000000 points for looking more dead than I do.

Oh and dude...That gives Arizona a bad name...Now I'm MORE sad that I live here. >< Its where Bella came from.

-10000000 points for Bella AND Arizona.

The people who became her friends. I've never seen anyone act like that. They're just like, "Oh hey! New girly, lets be friends yo~!"

Um... I understand being friendly to the new kid, but dude...What I just said up there is litterally what happened.

-10000 for non-realistic people.

Now to Edward...

Edward, Edward, Edward...

HOW THE HELL DOES ANYONE LIKE THIS GUYS

GOD.

Not only is the dude who plays him ugly as fuck (sorry man you don't float my boat), but just his whole character reminds me of some bad romance writen by some emo kid.

Creepy ass stalker too.

Oh my god.

If I found out Riku, yes Riku was watching me sleep for 2 months, I would have socked him in the face. That's just creepy man.

And Bella is just like..."Oh...Ok~!"

That scene made me want to punch a baby.

-10000000 points for creepy stalker dude.

Then the little bit when Edward saves her from that van crashing into her. Afterwards when he tries to treat her like she's a moron...

Dude, I could think of a better excuse than that.

-10000000000 points for Edward thinking women are stupid.

Then there's Edward's "I'm A Monster" temper tantrum.

"I'm a monster! RAWR!" watch me throw a tree. "I'm a moster! RAWR" I'm the ultimate preditor, try to get away from me.

...

I wish there was a hard surface that I could have bashed my head into so that I could have ended my suffering.

-800000 points for 5 year old temper tantrum scene.

THEN THE SPARKLES.

I WAS WAITING FOR THIS! WAITING AND FULLY INTENDING ON LAUGHING!

So Edward finishes his temper tantrum, and then he's like, "YOU MUST SEE ME IN THE SUN LIGHT!"

"..." is my first responce. Followed by a fit of laughter.

Then they jack a scene from Inuyasha. Sorry, but Kagome riding on Inuyasha's back came WAY before Twlight.

Then Edward starts taking off his shirt a little and goes into the sun...

HE GLITTERS!

Bella says, "You're beautiful...Like diamond." or something to that effect.

I'm dying of laughter. And then it goes into this scene a little later where they're laying in the grass, in the sun, and the camera angle goes up or something. Now I don't know about you, but usually when they do that, that's the G way of saying they had sex...I know they didn't... But that angle...

I burst out laughing thinking, "They better not have sex in the sun, or there's going to be a shiney, glittery, vampire butt and penis.

At 2 in the morning this is funny.

-1000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00 points for body glitter

Then the whole, I'm in love.

Just randomly...

What the hell?

And there's this random big ass word in there.

Thesarous abuse was right there.

-100000000 points

The baseball scene was interesting actually. I didn't mind it too much. The idea of them only being able to play during a storm was actually rather good I thought. It made sense with the concept of vampires being really strong and the bat hitting the ball that hard.

But the glitter scene...

Still -1000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00 points.

Though what's up with that one blonde chick in Edward's 'family'?

It was like she had a pole up her ass the whole time it came to Bella not that I can blame her personally

Then the random hunter dude...

Jacob?

I think...

I don't know or care...

Reminded me of my aunt's dog with the sniff sniff bit.

Edward's whole, "I'm going to protect you," bit, was not in the least bit romantic. That just is typical stupid male thinking. God I can't begin to describe how much I hate hearing men say, "But I need to protect you!"

I'll give Edward 1 brownie point.

At least Bella was in real danger.

The fight scene thing after Bella finds out that her mother wasn't really there. I was so happy to see her get smacked against that wall. And same thing when he broke her leg.

Near the end of that movie, I just wanted to bash my head in.

Then why the fuck did Edward show up >/

He comes in with his family and saves the day.

No wonder the book continued.

*cries*

The scene with the 'sucking the poison' from her body...

Lame

Oh which leads me back to earlier in the 'lot'

Vegiatarian Vampires....

Is that the BEST way she could describe it...really?

I lulz so loud when I heard that I DID fall out of my chair.

-100000000 points for failed attempt.

Man I could go on and on about what I thought was just so stupid about this movie.

Jesus.

I could write a parody with me in Twlight, and I tell you, I'd sock Edward so many times, it wouldn't be funny anymore.

That was a waste of about an hour and a half of my life.

Yet it got some great giggles out of me, and gave me more confidence in my plot and character devlopment.

My confidence in that area has now just sky rocketed.

Over all summary of Bella: I LOVE HIM I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE BUT HIM~!

Edward: BAWWWW....I LOVE HER, BUT I WANT HER TO BE SAFE....BAWWWW

Kenji: *Puts gun to skull* Bye bye.. *BANG*

...

I want to see the new one in theatres now.

Just so that I can go and laugh some more. Probably get some death glares too. But oh man it would be worth it.

But wow...

That was the worst shit I've seen in a while.

It was so bad it was funny, but some parts of it were so bad it wasn't even funny.

And no.

I still don't see the appeal.

If anything, I think its more stupid than before.